Why I Became an Atheist -Part 1

I was born in country that was embroiled in a bloody civil war between, supposedly between, 18 different sects and their respective "champion" warlords in rather mountainous coastal area not exceeding 10,500 sq. km. The civil war itself had nothing to do with religion or the holiness of any cause. It was all incidental that the leaders of the existing political parties where drawn out according to the demographics of Lebanon based on sectarian values and differences. The warlords knew this all to well and did not shy away from using this fact to their advantage, trumping up their rhetoric against their rival warlords who where of another sect, driving their followers to believe the lies that spouted out of their collective mouths.

The War raged for 15 long bloody years. Atrocities beyond description where committed in the name of one religion or the other.  Slaughters, massacres, coldblooded murders.  The combatants killed mercilessly. Snipers, armed thugs, artillery fire, the whole works. I can still here the screens of the tortured, the wails of the bereft, and the sound of exploding bombs and rapid gun fire at a close distance.  can still see, in my mind, the mutilated bodies of fighters and civilians on the streets, no one bothering to pick them up.  Ruined residential buildings, partially riddled with bullet holes, partially obliterated by artillery shells, partially blackened with fire. certainly unlivable, yet some people remained and made do with what they had because the alternative was to live on the street, which many people made homeless  had already succumbed too.

Lebanon was divided in to several small state-lets with borders and levies imposed on travelers, if the boarder was at all passable. many have died, shot dead at point blank,  at these border checkpoints simply for having the wrong religion written down on their identification papers.

I was born in a family that had a divers background. religious tolarance was a norm for us.  I grew up learning the ideologies of both Christianity and Islam. Everything I learned about both religions was a in total contradiction of the war I witnessed. I realized very early on in my life that this war that had deprived me, and many of my generation of our childhood, had nothing to do with religion whatsoever. The Lebanese Civil War was all about power, money, and the interests of the war lords who used the pretext of religious differences to wage their wars

For an atheist, any one who clings on to religion to the point of hate of the other is drowning in ignorance.  But the people of Lebanon where anything but ignorant. the Lebanese are well educated people and among the most educated in the middle east. Lebanon has always enjoyed high standards of literacy and was once considered to be the center of knowledge of the Arab world. So why did the Lebanese believe the lies of their war lords so blindly?  why do they still do so?  That is a very difficult question to answer. It probably cant be answered. The people followed blindly and with out question, like sheep being herded to their demise by wolves in shepherds clothing. they followed blindly and insured that the lies of their war lords became fact on the ground, even when the facts where fabricated.

The war finally ended and everyone rejoiced.  but the damage had been done and Lebanon was still divided between 18 sects and their respective war lords who now became our political leaders, heading governments, ministries and other state functions and occupations. The fact that these leaders had blood on their hands was overlooked by everyone. the fact that the leaders committed crimes against humanity became irrelevant... they caused the war and now they where rewarded for the slaughter and destruction of Lebanon by becoming the state authority.

Religious hostility, however, did not end.  the religious fanatics of all 18 sects gained more power and people flocked to them, not out of true belief or conviction, but out of a sense of "duty" which regularly translated in to prestige; the more devout you appeared to be the more respect you earned. Absolute hypocrisy.

The civil war never ended, it just turned cold, very cold. Corruption was rampant, cronyism was the rule of thumb. To get a decent job at a respectable establishment was not dependent on merit, but rather what sect on belonged to.

By then i had grown in to a young adult. As a teenager I struggled to find my identity, "Am I Muslim or am I Christian?"  it came to a point that i prayed using bot the Christian and Muslim methods at the same time. I was convinced that i was both and that both where more than compatible. People ridiculed me for this.

By the time I hit my twenties, I had learned more about these two religions in addition to other religions of far away lands and had come to the conclusion that all religions basically say the same things. What differs is the traditions and the narrative, but they where all essentially the same on a basic level. All religions thought goodness, all religions thought tolerance, all religions though ethics and morality.  yet the majority of the followers of these religions, especially those who considered themselves the most devout, where in dissonance with those teachings.  The hypocrisy of the devout was as clear as day for me.