Ingmar Bergman

has died aged 89...

a great film maker is lost but his work lives on till eternity

RIP Hala Haddad

I just heard from Mazen that Hala has passed away....

Saint Jude

Hala Haddad

The Lady with the Devine Glow

(20 November 1979 - 26 July 2007)

After many years of battling against cancer... our beloved Hala's body gave in... And the angel of death has whisked her away to that world which lies beyond...

I for one... as I am sure all those whom have known Hala, will remember her love for life... she never let her ailment... No matter how grave... dampen her spirit... she was always full of life... and instilled that feeling in all those whom where around her... her divine smile was a miracle on its own... her smile was full of warmth... a warmth that would engulf the coldest of people... a smile that would make the most depressed person know what bliss truly means....

I will miss Hala dearly... I will miss her wit... I will miss her smart conversations... I will miss her divinely beautiful glow... Hala's lovely memory will remain with me, and I will miss her dearly, until the time I see her again on the other side....

In paradisum deducant te Angeli

"We all come from the Goddess and to Her we shall return like a drop of rain
falling to the ocean. We all come from the Horned One and through Him we are reborn corn and grain, corn and grain all that falls shall rise again"

" Journey on now, sister. We will follow when we can. May you be born again at
the same time and in the same place as those you knew and loved in this life.
May you know them again and love them again."

+

Today it rained in Beirut... Being the sentimental person that I am... I would like to think that even the heavens where shedding their tears for Hala

___________

This day also marks my late grandmother’s birthday as well as Mazen's birthday....

We are married

well Nathalie and I finaly did it...

we got to leb where we spent some time with frinds and then left for cyprus wher we spent 2 weeks together.

more later

Changing the face of Lebanon Campaign

Ever since the war "ended" back in 1990.... I always had the feeling that it never really ended.. that it just changed form..... I always had the feeling that sooner or later Lebanon would plunge back in to civil war... and to be honest.. it looks like we are edging closer to that point once again...

what is the problem in Lebanon?

well... I do agree that everyone from the outside has screwed us over from east to west... but the truth of the mater is simple... Lebanon is a feudal country... we have warlords as opposed to political figures... these warlords use the excuse of religion and sects even to maintain their hold, power and control ... not to mention wealth...... and strangely enough... the Lebanese people are like sheep... they follow these wolves dressed in shepherds clothing.... they follow them so blindly and they allow their "religious" beliefs (no mater how truncated they are) to get in the way of thinking of what is best for the nation.... that and the fact that the leavens are really selfish people... a brother would have no problem backstabbing his own closest relatives for money and power... it is not desperation that leads them... it is pure and simple greed....


Then there are the Lebanese who just want to do something interesting in their lives... who want to enjoy life... but are they being given chance to do so.. But No… because they have no leader.. No warlord and no religious or "political" affiliation... they do not count... they are no one... funny that... that the real Lebanese people are the ones ostracized... they have no means of raising their voice because it would mean joining a political party... and being a member of a political party already puts you on the sectarian divide....

we have no true political parties in Lebanon... non with real political ideologies and visions.. non that have the interest of Lebanon as a whole in mind... hence why bother joining any of them.... there is a large portion of Lebanese who refuse to be sheep.... and who do see the wolves dressed up as shepherds...

we have had enough.... all the warlords.. "Politicians" and religious leaders should learn a lesson...

There are many things we as true Lebanese can do in order to insure a prosperous and peaceful future for our beloved country....

first we must start with learning how to love one another... and how to speak as individuals and as a united community... as opposed to regurgitating what is dictated upon us by our respective sectarian "superiors" ... we are intelligent and are capable of formulating our own ideologies.... however a nation is not existent with out a united community.... it is alright to be different and to have differences.. But not the kind that deviled us and weaken us and make us anything but citizens of the country called Lebanon.... what do I mean? simple... if you are suni, druz, shiia, maronite, orthodox or whatever else... please keep it to your self... every one is entitled to worship any which way they want and to believe anything they want... but as long as you claim that you are of religion X and sect Y you are not a Lebanese..... a Lebanese should declare that he or she is a Lebanese and nothing else... your religion is something that is personal to you and not a reflection on what the nation stands for.... your religion has no place in the greater good of Lebanon... as our so called political parties are based on sectarian values, as opposed to true political ideologies and values... they and their leaders should be band and abolished..... ALL OF THEM... not a single exception should be allowed.... if you feel so strongly about your religion X or sect Y then please... by all means.... renounce your Lebanese citizenship and go to a country that is more fitting to your religious needs... if you are a suni, a maronite, a shiia, an orthodox, a druz, an (insert religion and sect here) then understand that you are not Lebanese... that you are an illegal alien to this nation.... and that you should have no rights… and by several UN resolutions you are all foreign occupying forces and under said UN resolutions and mandates you should leave Lebanon just like the Ottomans, the French, the Americans, the Israelis and the Syrians where forced to do the same..... If you are not a Lebanese (period) then please leave.

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There are many issues that have to be addressed in Lebanon... the educational system has to be revised... the economy has to be stabilized and improved (our so called leaders should ALL step down and stop steeling our money) employment rules and laws have to be improved. the introduction of civil marriage is a necessity.... the number of places of worship have to be reduced and in their place make accommodations for the homeless and poor... our infrastructure needs to be completely revised and renovated to fit international standards... standard of living in Lebanon have to improve.... more power to the middle class... our mentalities have to change.... our arrogance has to be humbled.... there are many other things that need to be addressed but it would take more than this blog entry to talk of them all....

Our so called leaders need to be punished.... they need to be humbled... I do not think sending them to prison is a good idea... however... sending them off to do community service... like sweeping the streets and collecting garbage would be an excellent idea to humble them.... and if they refuse then revoke their Lebanese citizenship and deport them else where with nothing more than $10,000 …. Anything else that they own they will have to leave behind as it is most likely that they stole it or acquired illegally from us (one way or another … think taxes and national debt) to begin with.

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However... since something like this will take far too much time and is quite unrealistic at the moment... I do have another suggestion.......

I propose that we Lebanese write a good and decent letter to our so called "leaders" telling them to stop acting like greedy idiots and fighting like little children in kindergarten..... and to leave us real Lebanese people alone... to give us a chance to make this country the best it can be....

basically we should write them a good long and polite letter telling them to fuck off and leave us alone.... to add to it all I strongly recommend that we add a box of the strongest does of Xanax to be accompanied by the letter.... just to tell them to take a chill pill and fucking relax.... and to imply that they are delusional and need professional psychiatric assistance....

this is not meant merely as a joke.. funny as it may seem... I am serious about this.... this is a campaign that we should all seriously embark on...

this letter and attached Xanax package should be sent to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO CALL THEMSELVES OUR LEADERS.... no exceptions allowed... everyone of them should get one... both the "political" leaders, the warlords, and the "religious" leaders.

so... any one is interested in this campaign then please... let us embark on this bloodless coup as soon as possible.

In Memory of my Grandmother

Irene Bagdassaroff Der Alexanian

(26 July 1926) - (23 May 2001)

it had not occurred to me last year when i had a total brake down on this day.....
it almost slipped my mind this year when i was feeling low and tiered....

until mom pointed out that it is the anniversary of my grandmothers passing away

23 May 2001....

i still remember that day... my granny had fallen ill with cancer and was staying at our place... every day in the morning i would go up to her and kiss her goodbye before i went to work.... she used to respond to me better than most... she would be less difficult around me when i asked her too.. she would eat better, make less of a fuss and make an effort to improve....

however .. on that morning i went up to her to give her my goodbye kiss... and could sense the presence of Death looming around.... i bowed my head and moved on... i could not go near her...

at work ... i was out of cellphone reach.... i stayed underground in my office until little bit in the after noon... when i finally came out my mom called... i could tell from her voice that it had happened.... i told mom that i knew... and she was surprised as to how i could have known...

i will always remember my granny for her wonderful cooking and baking... especially her beef strogonove ... her pilaf... her chocolate cakes and her banana cakes ....

i will also remember my granny for teaching me English... for bringing me and teaching me proper manners.... i attribute mot of my child hood development first to her... then to my mother...

i miss my granny.. but if there relay is an after life ... i am sure she is in a better place and i find that comforting...

my granny was an educator... she has educated and inspired countless of generations... a lot of her old students still to this day remember her fondly....

as for me... i just miss my granny... and i can feel her presence every now and then.. especially when i am feeling down trodden and worn out....

Ira... I love you my dear grandmother... wherever your soul may be right now... i hope you are free and in bliss...

Wedding Plans Changed

well... still getting married on the 15th of June.... but not in Lebanon.... Cyprus is the choice now... because the Lebanese are too pigheaded to have such as thing as civil marriage... my own country.. and i am really disappointed with it.... ah well... i suppose it will take a few more "civil" wars before they start thinking like "civilised" folks should....

though this will be somewhat of a headache for me... again because i am the "proud" holder of a Lebanese passport... well.. it just means getting a visa ain't going to be as easy as on might think... and more paper work... AHHHHHHHHH....... but my love must and should have her rights protected... and that can only be done under civil code rather than Sharia code...

actually... i think Cyprus is going to save me allot of family and Friend related headaches... lol... nothing worse than friends and family berating you for not attending wedding... this way we will be in a totally different country... so they cant complain :P


suddenly i have this image of me spitting after saying Lebanon /me spits.... just like on Corner gas... when they say the name of that town that starts with a W... cant remember the name... :P

Supernova

like the goddess... a destructive force... a life creating force.... got to love the universe.. a star goes supernova

Like tears in the rain,

Spiral.

So simple yet so complex… no mater how you look at it never makes sense yet it makes perfect sense. It is there but not there. Spiral… an anagram to our state of mind. Twisted, bent, perfect, complete… when do we begin? Where do we end? We spiral in and out, looking… searching… and what do we find at the end? Our selves? Or did we find that at the beginning? Do we ever see the point before it is too late? Before we become one with spiral?

Memory

i know i wanted to post something today.... but i forgot about what... go figure

Forgive me Father....

it has been 5 days since i blogged....

well apart from having NO TIME because I've been staying late at work....


arg,.... will have something up here soon....

wedding date has been set... June 15th 2007 on a New Moon.. between two Full Moons in the same month... other wise referred to as a blue moon... (not the new moon but the idea that there are two full moons in one month) doesn't happen that often.. hence the "once in a blue moon" phrase...



the key needs to be talked about again...

and the missing princess has been found again.. lets see if she stays this time....

and lots of work....

and a certain Friend... who seems to be afraid of the things i might say so he is deleting my posts.... i have a saying "behave your self or prepare your self for total humiliation by the dragon, you'll know when you start seeing spirals"

One Small Step

In the News today...... the discovery of a possible of an extra solar earth like planet has just resurfaced my wish to emigrate away from Earth it self.... :) ok so its over 20 light years away.... but ouhh,..... here is the interesting part.... its in the constellation Libra.... funny that.... For you my October Girl

Special people

what is it about people who are special.... people with so much potecncial and so much to give... what is it about them that makes tham fall apart... break at the seams.... and why do they have to go abusing what they have...

one girl missing.... gone looking for herself... Little does she know that she is looking in all the wrong places...

one girl on a wild goose chase.... searching for something that has always been in front of her...


two different people.... same issues... same problems... both special ... yet both lost in a spiral of lies and deceit...

will they ever get out of this spiral?

stay tuned... the news will be updated as it comes...

Another one of those days

*sigh*

ever had those days when nothing seemed to work... and every thing suddenly started to crap out?

got to work... my RAID system failed on me as i was digitizing footage.... fixed that problem and... POOF.. the electricity goes out... black out for one hour.... some suggested that its an earth day thing..... however i know better... this is oil country... it amazes me how everything seemed to suddenly stand still... everything became lifeless... blackouts are almost unheard of here in Dubai.. unlike Lebanon... where we are used to constant black outs..

so that problem was dealt with... electricity came back and suddenly my PDA craps out on me... don't ask me what happened... i don't know... i just know that i had to do a full reset to get it working again... well at least i could still use it as a phone... to receive calls that is... cause i lost all my contacts and i don't have any numbers memorised.. *sigh* any way... restoring the PDA system as I write...

then... the head of the machine room called me to say that the Panasonic frame rate converter was reporting an error... heh.. it was a borrowed piece of hardware and very expensive to replace... apparently it was failing to boot... thankfully it seemed to be afraid of me... cause when i restarted it ... it worked again... *ouff*

the day since then worked out fine...... so far.... lets see how the evening goes....

EDIT: on my way to a certain play... i got lost... for 2 hours... i was lost... i only figured out how to get home when i realised i was in ...... Sharja

Rising above the Stars

How i dream to rise up to the heavens and travel at speeds unknown to man to the extreme ends of what is perceived as the end.

Apres moi, le deluge

i feel both relife and pain at the moment

Today a chapter in my life has been closed... maybe not permanently but at least for the time being.. the story of my Lady Unicorn has come to a conclusion.... sadly she tried to delay the inevitable but I was too determined and too disappointed with her to give her yet another chance....

the thing about chances is one tends to give them out freely because the benefit of the doubt factor plays a role .... but when does it become too much to bare? when does one realise that enough is enough? probably when it is too late... when the other person is already lost and taking you for granted.... slowly it creeps up like inertia (Massive Attack) ... the sensation... and then they loos you.....

I am not a saint... I have made many mistakes... but at least I admit my mistakes and I learn from them....

*sigh* why is that people never see what is gone until they burn. (Emilliana Torrini)

*sigh* then I suppose if everything in life was that simple.. things would not be that interesting....

as my fiance Nathalie keeps reminding me.. i am someone who would rather feel pain than nothing at all.... (Three Days Grace)

I must go on standing
You can't break that which isn't yours
I, oh, must go on standing
I'm not my own, it's not my choice

Be afraid of the lame They'll inherit your legs
Be afraid of the old They'll inherit your souls
Be afraid of the cold They'll inherit your blood

Apres moi, le deluge After me comes the flood

-------------------
Regina Spektor

yeh... my entry today is full of musical references..... here is one more.... i can hear the scream of the butterfly (The Doors)

Website is up

my web site is now up and almost complete...

a few more tweaks here and there and it should be fine for the time being...

with my new host i have the ability to install my own blog application... so... i am going to check it out and see if i make the move over to that or stay here

Where is home

originally 14 June 2006


I want to go home but where is home
I am lost
I want to belong
Neither property nor object am I
To someone I long to be
In some place I yearn to exist
But here I am
Nowhere, in the middle of a mirage
Surrounded by an ocean of sand dunes …
In a desert that is home to many…
In a desolate place that belongs to those who exist.
Yet again I am alone
In a crowd of empty faces
Endless waves pouring fourth
Crushing my body … a dance in A ballroom
… a masquerade …
Hidden faces that are clearer than day …
Where does it end?
Where do I go?
Where do I belong?
Who will notice my crimson tears?
Silence … from the void an echo of the past
Whispers in a shuddering boom
“no one”
To be a wonderful memory that is
Just like tears in the rain …
that is my only belonging existence.

Website

Well the web site is almost complete.... a few more bugs to iron out but its on it is way..

ugh.. and "free" web hosting is never free... or rather limited... i mean why bother giving out free websapce if your going to put restriction of file types like wmv and wma or any audio or video.... they main purpose of having my web site was to put up my showreel on it...

darn...
just went and bought my self a hosting plan... don't want to deal with the frigging hassles anymore

Worying for freinds

It is such a difficult thing to see a Friend in so much pain...

it is even more difficult to understand and accept that the same friend wants to be alone
personal space has to be respected...

but it does not mean i will watch without feeling pain... and i cant avert my head and pretend i don't see...

my the universe grant my Friend the strength and peace she requires...

Roling on

new set up

i have a wepage that needs to be updated

i have my own parked blog adress

also my picasa web album

and i will be uploading alot of vidoe soon to google video :)

things i need to remind my slef to do... update profile... website.. transcode videos.. WEDING PLANS ;-) .... and much more..

Hard to sleep

its always hard to damnd sleap....

heh.. this is just a nother silly post where i am just testing this thing..

still have nothing much to say..

i doont even know why i signed up for a blog.... i am a frigin introvert... and a dyslexic...

but i think eventualy i will figure out a use for this thing

in any even.. i should say that i cant wait till june...

am getting married....

this is Nathalie... my fiance... :-) my visit visa to canada was rejected.. so she travled 11,000 KM jsut to spend 2 wonderfull weeks with me...

everyone who knows me have "complained" about how i seem to be so much happier when she was around......

i miss her...

ugh.. there is more to say.. but this dragon takes his sweet time to so somthing like this blog :P

well.. this is my first blog entry.... nothing much to report...