On my 33rd birthday I sat down and attempted to assess the successes and failures of my life. Reflecting on old pictures, I realize that I have many accomplishments and that I have achieved some of my main dreams. Reaching Canada and becoming a productive citizen was one of those dreams that i have achieved. I immigrated to Canada, found a job and stabilized my life. The job I have is not perfect but it pays the bills and I got good benefits. But I am miserable at this job. My expertise and tenants have a very minuscule place and I don’t have any likely prospects of moving up because it is not technically my line of work. I don’t like being bogged down like that, I am the adventurous type, I need change, I need to see and explore and feel that I am making a significant contribution to the world. I am not doing that at the job that i am at right now. So other than it being a good job that pays the bills, this job has nothing much to offer me. I need to find a new job.
But what will this job be? i am a filmmaker, but i do not like the commercial aspect of what I consider to be my most potent form of self expression, I don’t have any wishes entangling myself with Hollywood or working for some big network for purely commercial reasons. I am a post production technical consultant and have extensive knowledge with using computers for whatever means. I can also fix, build and maintain computer systems and I can integrate them into the working environment... but I don’t want to work with machines all the time, i need human contact. I am good at photography, being a filmmaker, and i am good at audio related work and videography. I am also a creative idea generator, but i am tiered of coming up with ideas that only serve the commercial aspect of anything that I work on.
In the past i have worked as a volunteer in various fields that included environmental NGOs, I was the director of the Environment Press unit of the Environment Information Center of Beirut. I am one of the many original founders of the environmental movement in Lebanon during the 1990's, they used to call me the wonder kid. i have worked with orphanages of perfectly sound children and with orphanages of disabled children. i represented Lebanon at the Global Youth Forum, a UNEP organized event that took place in 1997 and was held in South Korea. I volunteer with UNDP and several EU projects in Lebanon. I was also selected to give an environmental awareness program to summer camp students. i have also participated in cleanup operations and assistance to the poor drives.
When I was working with NGOs I always felt at home. I wanted to be a part of the not for profit world ever since I got involved with it. Circumstances have driven me away from that world, the main circumstance being that of me running out of financial resources and the need to make a life for myself as a professional. i find that it is sad that we must all forget our dreams so that we could just make a selfish life of living with a job that we do not like. I remember being happiest when I was doing not for profit work and helping others. i enjoy helping others. i am good at helping others. i would have loved to become a social worker but that is not really a field i would have chosen to study when i was still in Lebanon because it would have put me on the receiving end of charity rather than on the giving end.
So I am thinking for myself. i no longer need to prove myself, i have done that time and time again. All I want now is to make not for profit work my main job. I now want to drift away from the commercial world and delve back into the not for profit work. But how do i do that now? I cannot work as a volunteer without pay. i have too many responsibilities and obligations to live up to. So I decided to sit down and write down what the dream job would be for me.
The job has to be one that has a profound cause, like preventing child abuse or ending poverty around the world. I don’t like being stuck in the office all the time, I am a hands on person, I like experiencing things first hand an did love working in the field. I would like to travel from one mission to the other and visit remote places and places in need of positive action all around the world. I do not like being tied down to one place as I believe myself to be a citizen of the world. I would love to go from one country to the other and make films about the lives of those we seek to help. i want to make interesting documentaries with the help of the communities and individuals that we help. I want to write theatrical plays and help communities make these plays come to life. i want to take out my camera and take photos of peoples life. but also need an income of $60k a year with yearly adjustments to compensate for the rising cost of living. i also need comprehensive medical, and dental insurance just to make me feel secure. And I require a minimum of 4 weeks of paid vacation a year. i do not need more money, i just need enough money to save up for when I retire and to be able to live not luxuriously, but modestly comfortable before I retire. I am willing to start at a much lesser salary if a promise is made that it will be raised once i have proven myself, i am willing to work for a reduced salary for a period of one year. But every time I start thinking about the silliness of being paid or profiting from a not for profit job. it feels strange but i just want to give my life to philanthropic work and nothing else.
The problem is that I am having a real hard time finding out how to get started to actually reach this new dream.
If anyone has any answers or is willing to give me some tips and hints please do not hesitate to let me know.
For now I will just sit back and continue excelling at the current boring job that I have.
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